Where there's a Will, there's a way

Illinois Speaker Mike Madigan's particularly succinct explanation for supporting the state employee fumigation bill made me appreciate his lack of long-windedness that's uncharacteristic of politicians. The SJ-R quotes a total of two sentences from Madigan.

“I advised Gov. Quinn to be about the business of changing government,” Madigan said of his decision to introduce the bill. “I grew impatient at the pace of change.”

Brilliant. Most politicians, or a blogger like myself, would have used multiple garrulous paragraphs to reinforce the same two sentence point. I started wondering what famous speeches in history might have sounded like if they were delivered by Mike Madigan in his compendious style.

For example, what would the Gettysburg Address have been shortened to had Madigan been leading us through the Civil War? Maybe,

"I advised the Southern States to be about the business of ending slavery. I grow impatient with their rebellion."

What about the famous address to Congress requesting a declaration of war after the bombing of Pearl Harbor?

"I'm displeased with this infamous aggression by Japan. I advise the Congress to be about the business of defending our nation against tyranny."

If Madigan had been selected over Jefferson to author the Declaration of Independence.

"I advise the British government to recognize the Colonies as free and independent states. We grew impatient at their despotic abuses of our inalienable Rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Nixon's "Checkers" speech.

The allegations against me are without merit. I'm keeping the dog.

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